On “Giving Up”
I know many of you are thinking “What, no way!! I know that you are still going through with your plan to travel for the next year. You are a hard worker, and have plans moving forward. So what is this ‘giving up’ talk?”
The idea of “holy laziness” has been very influential for me since 2020, during my time teaching through the start of the pandemic. Laziness in a society that worships work as its highest value is always viewed as “doing nothing.” But it is in those times of “doing nothing” that everything becomes possible. Thoughts come and go. One can notice things like their breath, the way the space around them makes them feel, the sounds around them with no need for judgement.
Since putting most of my stuff in storage and in various friends’ houses almost a month ago, I have had several items and tasks to complete as with any move or long trip. However, unlike the many times I’ve moved or planned for trips, there are new decisions I’ve never had to give much thought to before. This has created various “to-do” lists that as I’ve written, I realize even as I’m writing them, they will not be finished in time to leave.
So instead of trying to find a way to make time for everything, I’m just giving up (or giving in) to the many tasks will be left undone, and certain people I will not get to visit again before I depart. And what’s changed? With acceptance came the feeling that I gave myself more time. Time to just think. Time to look and observe. Time to take in more films, more music, more conversations. And, Time to just enjoy “being lazy.”
When I call this next adventure a “creative nomadic journey,” many I talk about this with get caught up on that word, creative. What am I going to create? What kind of project will I be doing? Will I be giving concerts? Will I be researching or studying anything? And the answer to all of these is simply “I don’t know” and I’m giving up trying to know. I’m giving into the uncertainty that what lies ahead is unplanned, but will reveal itself bit by bit. I feel fairly certain that wherever I settle will reveal itself to me as well.
The Josh Bradford I’ve always been is going to keep coming up with projects, creating music and social events, and will be doing a lot more writing in the months and years ahead. However, I’m giving up on matching my worth with my productivity. Being creative is more than just being productive. Creativity is expansive, all-compassing, constantly happening. And I need to be in the thick of it. This creative journey I’m starting is about creating a different way to pursue the rest of my life. Create opportunities not considered before. Create new relationships and connections I don’t even know are there yet. Accepting that I will want to create at all times, but I will not long need to produce anything to be creative and worthy. Indeed, creativity will just organically occur, whether it be on my own or with others. But I will need to be very protective and guard my time, and create those chucks of “lazy” time so that I am confident in what I choose to pursue, and feel equally as good about opportunities that I know are not for me at this time.
Have you explored “holy laziness?” How do you express or want to be creative? Anything you want to share or respond to? I love hearing from any and all of you anytime. I will especially enjoy reading and responding to messages during this new adventure, so feel free to respond to me anytime.